Worthless yet Worthy
The beginning of the poem expresses feelings of distress, which relates to the loss of her mother. The word “ricocheting” shows that the author is not just thinking but has feelings of regret and discomfort. If she was simply noticing the typewriter and piano and bookshelf and envelope, I’d think she was just writing a letter, but her rushed thoughts reveal her panic. It’s possible that she was trying to remember what the gift was called that she gave her mother since it was the only material thing she provided for her mother.
When the author states that she didn’t know what a lanyard was and had never seen anyone wear one, I assumed she didn’t have feelings wrapped up in the one she made, but she said she continued to make it since it was s present for her mother. The author saw the lanyard as a gift to her mother in an equal exchange for her mom giving her life. She thanked her mother for milk and food and education. The counselor acted as the connection between the mother and daughter since she helped the daughter make the lanyard. The daughter was now appreciative of them both.
For the bulk of the poem, the author seemed proud to give her mother the home made lanyard but at the beginning and the end, she seems more panicked. She expresses that she was not openly appreciative of her mother until she gave her the lanyard. The author uses the words “useless”, “worthless” and “boredom” to describe her lanyard, showing that in the end she wasn’t proud of her exchange and perhaps it was not an equal exchange. I think she felt hostile that her mother was not around since she “wished” to show her thanks more and that the lanyard was all she had to show.