Don't know why but i get a feeling that i have a lot to share a lot to say but never exactly felt energetic enough to actually put it into words, hah i know I’m hopelessly optimistic,,a bit psycho, a bit of ambitious n someone who believes in secretly nurturing great expectations though indeed deep inside i'm a loser, I accept it's not really a very amusing self confession but all i'm doing is trying to be honest .
i'm not sure exactly what i want to do with this life of mine's as i'm always confused enough to make up my mind about it,,my mind computes so many thoughts at a time,i always want to do so many things in life that i always end up doing nothing,,n than i start hoping for devine intervention which's become rare these days in my life,,,i never really see my targets clearly or set a do or die condition for the things that i really want to do,,i just keep going with the tide n in the meantime keep doing all those stupidities that i like doing n i can afford doing, watching 30 odd movies in 7 days in cinema hall or do not touch the book attitude (i’m a final year MBBS student) r solid examples of my stupidities still i see hope, ray of light at the end of the tunnel,as they say may be i'll get to where i intend to but what exactly i'm looking for or whether i'm looking for anything at all or is it just a another of those romantic imagination of my ever restless mind.
See ; one way things r straight i'v a life n i should live it the way i'm supposed to,i'm a student i should study hard , be sincere , be responsible towards myself n my career n should make life out of the lucrative career that's lying in front of me like every boy at this place is busy doing or i can keep fooling around like this going nowhere waiting in my romantic thought for that something that i want to know n all that blah blah. It's all so clear so reasonable,so rational still i can't make myself to go for that, don’t know why i want to fool around , want to explore things,,i'm losing,i'm lagging far behind all my contemporaries n now they'v started to make me feel bad deliberately still ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,something ,,,, something is missing it can't be so that i'v everything n all i need is to styraighten my mind n everything'll be fine no it's not that easy, something is missing from my life,, why i'm losing ,,what's this strange fear is all about no there's nothing i fear than what's stopping me ,,what's this strange feeling that's making me nervous compelling me to lose on all crucial moments ,,, it's happened on enough occasions to be ruled out as mere coincidence, it’s real n it definitely has a reason which is that unknown fear,,i'v to kill that fear i'v to get rid of this